|
|
|
> MSU News
Family rituals are like children: cherish them, but be flexible
December 16, 2002 -- By Marla Goodman, MSU-Bozeman News Service
 |
| Some families read favorite stories together or make a new ornament each year. |
|
BOZEMAN–– The holiday season is a great time of year to connect with family traditions, and perhaps start some new rituals, says Sandy Bailey, Montana State University Extension Family and Human Development Specialist.
Family rituals are important, says Bailey. “Rituals and traditions help families create their own identity and help family members define what is unique and important in their family. They also help us understand what to expect in our family.”
A ritual needn’t be lavish, exhausting or expensive, says Bailey. Maybe you always have Sunday dinner at your grandparents’ house, or go huckleberry picking every summer, for example. A family ritual can be as simple as piling into the car to look at Christmas lights, watching the rose parade on television, cooking pancakes together, going sledding or even walking the dog. Family traditions and rituals are not just routines, says Bailey. “We may brush our teeth every day, and do the laundry once a week, but those aren’t family rituals.” Rituals and traditions have a special meaning and happen with other family members.
One important thing to consider as you approach holiday traditions, says Bailey, is that traditions may need to transform over the years to accommodate the changing needs of family members. In one case, a grandfather, who was seen as the head of the family, could no longer carve the Thanksgiving turkey, so the family modified their ritual – the cook presented the turkey to the grandfather, then another family member did the carving. In another case, making a big dinner was getting to be too much work for Grandma, so the family started a Christmas potluck.
As children grow and mature, they may want to take a different part in traditions, or leave behind old ones altogether. Maybe they aren’t so interested in decorating Christmas cookies, but they still like to eat them. Maybe they would rather hide an Easter egg than seek one. Maybe your eight-year-old has had enough of sitting on Santa’s lap. But remember, said Bailey, that there is nothing wrong with holding on to old traditions that you all love. Many a grown child still hangs up his or her stocking in anticipation of wonderful Christmas surprises. If it’s still fun, why not?
As young adults marry or need to include other people in their lives, family gatherings may need to evolve to accommodate their new obligations. If Christmas is too busy a time for everyone to get together, some families have their big get-together in the summer, or at some other time of year.
Another case where family rituals may need to change is when children spend time with their parents separately, says Bailey. “Stepfamilies need to respect old traditions while creating new ones for the stepfamily.” Families can create new rituals that include both parents in different ways. Some children spend Christmas Eve with one parent and Christmas Day with the other. Some families may choose to have a gift exchange on New Year’s Eve. “There’s no rule that says you must exchange gifts on Christmas Day,” says Bailey.
Some people find that they are stressed out by having too many traditions to keep up with during the holidays. If you feel like you have a laundry list that you always have to make it through, take it easy, says Bailey. You don’t have to make candy, build a snowman, go sledding, do a jigsaw puzzle, go caroling, visit Grandma, go ice-skating, wrap gifts, read A Christmas Carol, attend the Nutcracker and make a gingerbread house, too. If you feel overwhelmed, save some of your plans for another time. Traditions should not feel like obligations, but like something to look forward to.
The Montana State University Extension Service is an educational resource dedicated to improving the quality of people's lives by providing research-based knowledge to strengthen the social, economic and environmental well being of families, communities and agricultural enterprises. For more information and resources on family topics, contact your local MSU Extension agent, or browse the Extension Publications online catalog at http://www.montana.edu/publications.
Contact: Sandy Bailey, MSU Extension family and human development specialist, (406) 994-6745
Hi-Resolution Image or PDF Available:
| [View or Download] | 1. | Some families read favorite stories together or make a new ornament each year. |
|
|
|
Email this article
