Children are the main reason many people keep holiday traditions alive, and something as simple as baking cookies can mean more to children than a gift. (MSU photo by Annette Trinity-Stevens.)

You thought you were going to keep the holidays simple this year, but soon you're adding an inflatable snowman to the herd of reindeer on your lawn.

The eaves, the trees, the lamppost, the basketball hoop, the shed and the junipers are wrapped with lights. Your house creates a glow in the night sky from blocks away. And this says nothing of what you've done indoors and what you ve purchased to go under the tree.

Have you gone mad?

People often wish they could pare things down around the holidays, said Sandra Bailey, a human development and family specialist with Montana State University Extension.

"But I'm not seeing a lot of action toward that," Bailey said. "In fact, I see the opposite."

For those dedicated to stripping the holidays down to the activities that mean the most, Sandra Osborne, MSU associate professor of human development and family science, suggests unplugging the season. Turn off cell phones and pagers. Ignore the computer. Put away the PDA.

Holiday activities should offer the opportunity to focus on what is important in our lives, Osborne continued. Children are the main reason many people keep holiday traditions alive, and spending time with the adults in their lives is often what children value the most.

Toward that goal, Osborne suggests having a family meeting and setting expectations for the season. Make a plan together and agree as a family how you will celebrate. Goals should relate to where children are in their stage of development.

"Teens are very focused on their peer group, so some sort of activity where their friends are invited is important, such as cooking, decorating and hot chocolate," she said.

Younger children are content to be home and not have parents go to work.

"One family I know found that one reason their kids really liked Christmas was not the gifts," said Osborne. "It was that Mom and Dad stayed in their pajamas, there was no TV, no one answered any phones or played computer games."

Establishing and following family traditions helps people reconnect to what is unique about each family.

"One family I know gets up and skis on Christmas morning, then comes home and eats pizza in front of the fireplace," Osborne said. "What helps this family connect with each other is unique, simple and special."

Another family uses holiday china, and everyone dresses up for a fancy dinner, she said.

"Who we are and become is defined by these family experiences where we learn about relationships," Osborne said.

To recast the holidays into more meaningful terms, Osborne suggests asking ourselves the following questions:

• What do we treasure about the holiday season?
• Are we willing to take steps (and even say no) to limit our time with other events and other people so we can reach the treasure we seek?
• What can we purchase or prepare ahead of time to lessen the stress and time away from others? For example, some stores will cook a turkey and allow you to pick it up. Or purchase homemade cookies at a fall harvest festival and freeze them for the holidays.
• What needs are present in the community that we can help with, including the local food bank or Salvation Army Angel Tree? Look close to home, too, as it s easy to overlook the needs of people next door or in your faith community.
• When the season is ending, take time as a family to evaluate how the season went and what you might want to do differently next time. In this way, all members of the household will be heard.

Other tips for keeping the holidays simple can be found in books by Elaine St. James, a guru of the simple living movement, Osborne said. Resources abound on the web as well, including simpleliving.org and family fun.go.com.

Extension resources on keeping holidays simple and reducing stress can be found at http://www.montana.edu/wwwhd/holiday.htm

written by Annette Trinity-Stevens and posted for Dec. 17, 2004