*****Provost-sponsored Luncheon & Seminar for Classified Staff******

Wednesday, September 27th 11:30am-12:45pm

 

 Topic:  Communications

Venue: SUB Ballroom A

 

Guest Speaker: Nancy Dodd

Associate Professor with the College of Business, and University Ombuds.

 

Do you wish you could be more assertive in communication with others, being confident and clear in expressing your opinions?  Do you work with people who seem domineering or overpowering?  Do you work with people who seem sneaky or always seem to play the role of victim? 

 

If any of these apply, this luncheon seminar is for you, offering useful information about how to characterize coworkers’ behavior and respond appropriately in your interactions with others.

 

Presentation Handouts:

 

 

BENEFITS ANALYSIS

 

Examples of possible benefits for all four communication styles:

 

AGGRESSIVE:

  • Philosophy is to “Take Charge”
  • Get what I want
  • Get attention (even if it’s negative, that’s better than no attention at all)
  • “The squeaky wheel gets the grease”
  • Doesn’t take as much time (short-term)
  • More “natural” response (especially when angry, scared, or other negative feelings arise)
  • Aggressive behavior rewarded in American, competitive society
  • Gets things done
  • Controls others (superficially)
  • Blame others for my actions
  • Seen as Macho.

PASSIVE:

·        Philosophy is to “Avoid Conflict”

·        Reputation for being “nice”

·        More peace and harmony in relationships (short-term)

·        Seen by others as dependable

·        Others can rely on me

·        Most people will like me if I let them get what they want

·        Get what I want by letting others think my idea is their idea

·        Less overt stress

·        Quieter

·        Ladylike

·        “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”

·        Rewarded in afterlife

·        “What goes around, comes around” attitude

·        Get others to do things for me because of helplessness

·        Saves undue energy

·        Shows good breeding

·        Strong, silent-type

 

PASSIVE - AGRESSIVE:

·        Philosophy is to “Get Even”

·        Get what I want and still have people like me

·        Secret revenge on Aggressive people

·        Martyr attitude

·        Get ahead

·        One upsmanship

·        Satisfaction for outwitting others (short-term)

·        Get others in trouble for my misdeeds

·        Silent treatment

·        Don’t have to be responsible for my own actions

 

ASSERTIVE:            

·        Philosophy is “Respect”

·        Open, honest, direct communication

·        Others know where I stand

·        Healthier relationships (long-term)

·        Lets me know who my true friends are (in lieu of those who are my friends because they can use me)

·        Saves time and energy (long-term)

·        Higher self-esteem

·        Fewer communication breakdowns

·        Easier to express feelings

·        Prevents stress

·        Freedom in expressing personal thoughts, feelings, and actions

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adapted from, The Assertive Workbook, The Phoenix Institute, 1982.

 

 

ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF EACH COMMUNICATION STYLE

 

 

AGGRESSIVE:

Advantages

  • gets attention (even negative attention is better than no attention)
  • squeaky wheel gets the grease (they get what they want)
  • respected by others
  • others do what they want them to do
  • get things done
  • seen as leaders
  • saves time

Disadvantages

  • hard on relationships
  • seen as bossy
  • not well-liked
  • can hurt others or themselves

 

 

PASSIVE:

Advantages

  • well-liked
  • seen as nice and dependable
  • avoids confrontations
  • gets what they want in an indirect way
  • saves time

Disadvantages

  • not respected
  • gets walked on, manipulated
  • don’t get to do things they want to do (always doing for others)

 

 

PASSIVE - AGGRESSIVE:

Advantages

  • get what they want if you don’t get caught)
  • well-liked and respected if not caught (the advantages of both passive and aggressive)
  • survival technique

Disadvantages

  • Tends to backfire big time
  • seen as being phony
  • destructive to relationships

 

ASSERTIVE:

Advantages

  • respectful of self and others
  • gets things done without hurting others
  • more positive outlook
  • prevents problems and saves time in the long run

Disadvantages

  • takes more time up front to be assertive
  • others may not like it (particularly if previously passive)
  • listens to other viewpoints even if does not agree

 

Adapted from, The Assertive Workbook, The Phoenix Institute, 1982.

CHARACTERISTICS OF COMMUNICATION STYLES

 

 

AGGRESSIVE:

  • 1-Way
  • Closed
  • Direct
  • Dishonest (exaggerate)

 

Philosophy is Take Charge.

 

May be okay to use when other person may be hurt if direct action not taken (throws child out of street to avoid being hit by a car).

 

PASSIVE:

  • 1-Way
  • Closed
  • Direct
  • Dishonest (under-plays)

 

Philosophy is Avoid Conflict.

 

May be ok to use when risk of conflict is too great (May acquiesce to the boss’ request in order to not lose a job).

 

PASSIVE - AGGRESSIVE:

  • 0-way
  • Closed
  • Indirect
  • Dishonest (out and out lying)

 

Philosophy is Get Even.

 

May be ok to use only in survival context (prisoner of war, in an abusive relationship when tell partner you are going to a grocery store, when in fact going to a lawyer, in order to avoid partner killing you).

 

ASSERTIVE:

  • 2-way
  • Open
  • Direct (tactful)
  • Honest (with self and others)

 

Philosophy is Respect.

 

Almost always ok to use.

 

 

Only when benefits of being assertive outweigh benefits of the other communication styles will you want to be assertive.  The other communication styles are valid in certain situations.  You don’t have to be assertive 100% of the time!  The idea is that you are communicating out of choice, not habit.

 

 

Adapted from, The Assertive Workbook, The Phoenix Institute, 1982.