Family traditions are the key to making a memorable holiday

by Carol Schmidt
MSU-Bozeman News Service

12/14/2001 Bozeman--Family and tradition are the two key words that should be kept at the heart of planning this year's holiday traditions, according to Sandy Osborne, Montana State University professor of human development and family science.

"I think the tragedies of this fall have made families appreciate the things that they took for granted about the holidays," Osborne said. "This year, many families are having a holiday celebration that is more simple and heartfelt."

Osborne suggests that it is inexpensive and fun to plan a holiday that will be long remembered.

"It's not complicated finding things that inspire us," Osborne said.

One of Osborne's suggestions is to spend time talking with the family about holiday traditions and where they came from.

"Tell stories, spend time going over photos. When you pull out a serving piece that used to belong to Aunt Flo, tell what kind a person she was, what she liked, what she did for a living."

Osborne said many families are tape recording or videotaping holiday events.

"We are realizing that if we don't, these family stories will go away."

Another way to keep family stories going is through the gifts we choose. Osborne recommends giving family possessions along with a letter that tells about the person who once owned it.

"Most of us have family treasures. Just as important as the gemstone or grandpa's watch is the letter that describes the person who once owned it."

Osborne said she believes that time is at the heart of the best family traditions.

"Instead of having the TV going in the background, turn it off and talk to one another. Spend time looking at a photo album or playing a game, such as a board game or cards. A great thing would be to play a board game that you played as a child and tell them about your memories. During that time, talk to one another. It's a way of connecting."

Holidays are particularly important for young children, for traditions give them a sense of security, Osborne believes.

"On Christmas Eve, eat a traditional meal, do an activity, such as take a drive looking at holiday lights. It's a predictable pattern. But, always throw in a few new things to keep it interesting."

Osborne recommends that toys given as gifts to young children should be toys that can be transformed, that can be played with in more than one way.

"It is important that at least some of the toys that a children receives are toys that have no electronic parts. Toys that always behave in the same way can cause a loss of the senses of imagination and creativity."

"I think that's why Harry Potter is so popular - there's a sense of mystery behind it," she said.

Osborne also recommends toys that mom or dad played with as children, such as Tinker Toys or Lincoln Logs. "They're another way to connect generations."

Osborne eschews designer tree decorations and embraces ornaments made by the children in the family, no matter the current age.

"Those macaroni wreaths sprayed gold are a great way to recall and stir up precious memories.

It is never too late to create new traditions, Osborne said.

"That's what holidays are for. It is an opportunity to re-create."

Rituals and traditions are ways of fulfilling human needs that we all have, especially this season, Osborne believes.

"If we weave rituals and traditions into our everyday life, there is a sense of the sacred and also a sense of gratitude and abundance."

Experts say holiday traditions may strengthen a marriage

(Editors: This may be used as a sidebar for the MSU family traditions story.)

Holiday traditions shared by both members of a couple may help strengthen a marriage, according to the December issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association.

Sandy Osborne, Montana State University professor of human development and family science, agrees, adding that the traditions surrounding religious holiday celebrations help to strengthen the family unit.

"Our traditions help tell us who we are and where we came from," Osborne said.

The APA study, done by two psychologists from Syracuse University found that rituals connected to religious holidays might reaffirm a couple's connection and intimacy.

Passing those rituals down from one generation to the next played an indirect role in predicting current relationship satisfaction, according to the study. The study found that women usually had the responsibilities of passing down rituals from one generation to the next. Husbands' did appreciate the ritual meaning of traditions.

The study found that the practice of meaningful religious rituals might be just one aspect of how families create meaning in relationships.

Send questions or comments to Carol Schmidt: cschmidt@montana.edu. Or you can send letters to Carol Schmidt, MSU Communications Services, 416 Culbertson Hall, Bozeman, MT 59717.

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